Posts tagged Doctor Patient Relationship

A PAGE FROM A DOCTOR’S DIARY

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Blessings alone are not enough to keep the lights on

She entered my cabin with a bright smile, reminding me of our acquaintance from years ago.

She thanked me profusely for changing her daughter’s life—this time, it was her son she had brought along.

Between every sentence came a blessing, every pause filled with praise—you are so kind, you are so nice—it was truly overwhelming.

And then they walked out—without paying the consultation fee, despite being politely reminded.

As doctors, kindness is stitched into our DNA.
We don’t treat people for money—but kindness alone doesn’t pay the bills or the rent or the staff salaries.

My colleagues say, “Write it off—there’s not much you can do.”
Because the moment you ask for your dues, the society will turn you into a greedy and money-minded villain.

That’s the paradox—doctors are villainized in headlines and shortchanged so often in reality.
Where empty words of gratitude flow easily, but people’s hands hesitate to shell out a simple consultation fee.

Ironically, it’s not the truly poor who ask for discounts.
It’s the well-to-do, even the ones stepping out of luxury cars, dressed in designer labels, who do.
While those with little often pay in full—with dignity and grace.

It’s never about the money. It’s about attitude and respect.

Blessings are divine and always appreciated—but blessings alone are not enough to keep the lights on, my friends.

©️Dr. Aparna Govil Bhasker

The Ladies’ Doctor

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As a lady doctor/surgeon, I end up having amusing experiences on some days.

Today, a lady came in with a rectal prolapse.

She’d already seen a male doctor but now wanted to consult a “lady doctor.”

We spoke, I examined her, explained the condition, and gave her my advice.

Then I said, “You should also see a gynecologist.”

She paused. “What’s a gynecologist? Is that a ladies’ doctor?”

“Yes,” I said, “the ladies’ doctor. That’s who you need to see next.”

She looked a bit confused.

“Oh… but we thought you were the lady doctor.”

I smiled. “Well, yes—I am a lady, and I am a doctor…
But I’m not the ladies’ doctor. I’m just a lady who’s a doctor.”

She wasn’t convinced. “So… you’re not the ladies’ doctor?”
“I mean, I am a lady doctor,” I said, “but not a ladies’only doctor.

“Ohh…” she said, “we came because we wanted to see the ladies’ doctor.”

By this point, I was in splits! ????
“Well, you saw the gentleman doctor. Now you’ve seen the lady doctor.
Just not the one you expected.”

A PAGE FROM A DOCTOR’S DIARY

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The Power of Communication

Don’t come to see me again if you do not stop smoking and drinking alcohol!

Seven years ago, I had said this to one of my patients. At that time, it came from good intent (and probably a little bit of entitlement). Smoking can cause serious complications after any surgery. For us doctors, it’s a no-brainer.

I had meant it as lighthearted advice, hoping it would serve as negative motivation. But what I said in passing, was taken to heart by my patient. I never imagined he would take it so seriously.

Soon after, he was lost to follow-up. Our repeated calls went unanswered. Then COVID struck, and a few more years slipped by.

Last week, out of the blue, I received a desperate message from him: “Doctor, I really need your help! Can I see you?” He was suffering from multiple complications.

When he finally walked into my clinic, my first question was, “Why didn’t you reach out to us in all these years?”

“His reply stunned me: “Doctor, you had told me not to come back if I could not quit smoking and drinking….. And I couldn’t.”

In that moment, my heart sank as I realized the weight of my words. What I had dismissed as a casual remark had kept a patient away from care for years.

I had underestimated the power of addiction, and overestimated the impact of reprimand. Despite years of medical training, I had failed to acknowledge that addiction is not just a habit—it is a disease.

Patients don’t need ultimatums for their disease; they need guidance, empathy, and support. That day I learned an important lesson. Communication is as powerful as any prescription we write. The right words can inspire change, while careless ones can close doors for years.

As doctors, perhaps the best medicine we can offer is the ability to guide with compassion rather than judge with authority.

Despite years of experience, we sometimes falter. Time and again we are reminded that medicine is not just about science and skill, but also about humility and the willingness to reflect, to learn from our mistakes, and to correct ourselves for the sake of those who trust us with their lives.

©️Dr. Aparna Govil Bhasker

Joy is already here

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This evening, I checked out of a hotel after attending a conference. The check-out counter was super-crowded and the hotel staff looked totally overwhelmed with the sudden rush. Despite their immaculate make up and perfectly draped saris, they looked harrowed and tense. With a frown on their forehead, they gazed so hard into their computer screens, the screens could crack. The stress in the air was palpable. Finally, I checked out and left. During the fifteen minutes’ drive to the airport, my doctor brain kept wondering about the impact of work-related stress in people’s lives.

With this trail of thoughts in my mind as I entered the washroom at T1 airport in Delhi, a pair of bright shiny eyes caught my attention. She greeted me with a warm toothy smile. Not only did she welcome me, but she also cleaned the stall before I entered and even offered to flush it for me as there were some mechanical issues with it. For the next ten minutes she chatted with me and every other lady who walked in, her smile constant and the eyes gleaming.

As a token of my appreciation, I offered her a small tip. “Arre didi, It’s alright! No need for this!” I insisted that she take it, for I did not know how else to thank her. Chances were that I would most likely never meet her again in my life.

As I walked out, I realized, that I had just met a human being who was doing one of the most menial jobs in the world. She probably had bigger personal challenges at home. And yet she did it with a smile on her face and expected nothing in return. The washroom was her sanctuary. She welcomed everyone whole heartedly and made sure it was spotless.  It was evident that she found pride and purpose in her work. She was happy and she radiated joy.

We spend much of our lives at work. Yet for many, joy remains elusive — lost in the noise of long hours, office politics, or difficult relationships. We often compartmentalize our existence into “work life,” “family life,” or “social life,” waiting for some perfect day when happiness will finally arrive.

But joy is not a distant destination; it is in every moment. Some people are fortunate enough to find work that they truly love. But most of us can learn to love what we do. When that shift happens, we break free. Every moment — whether at a desk, in a clinic, or even in a crowded washroom — becomes an opportunity to feel alive and at peace.

Then it doesn’t really matter where we work, what role we play, or who our boss is. Joy is not outside; it’s within us. And when it does, it cannot be taken away by circumstances, other people, or the ups and downs of life.

PS: In the journey of life, we sometimes meet people who leave an imprint on our consciousness. I write and share these moments so that they can ripple outward and become part of a larger human experience

©Dr. Aparna Govil Bhasker

Beyond the prescription

Bariatric Surgery Blog

Beyond the prescription

©Dr. Aparna Govil Bhasker

I’ve always enjoyed talking to my patients, and as much as I love surgery, I truly cherish my time in the OPD. However, the time available in the OPD is limited, and we need to cover a lot in those precious few minutes with each patient. As healthcare professionals, we often become laser-focused on providing well-meaning advice and delivering a neat looking prescription (a challenge in itself for any doctor! Thank God for the digital softwares!). By the end, we feel we’ve fulfilled our duty.

As our practice grows and the number of patients increases, the time spent with each patient tends to become shorter, or the waiting list grows longer. Both scenarios lead to decreased patient satisfaction. But it’s not just patient satisfaction that takes a hit—our own job satisfaction suffers too. Over time, frustration starts building on both sides, and we all know where that leads to.

In recent months, I’ve felt that tension growing within me. I began to question: if I wasn’t feeling satisfied with the consultations, what were my patients walking away with? As obesity care specialists, were we truly making a meaningful impact when it came to lifestyle changes and behavioural modifications? Despite spending nearly 40 minutes with each patient, it felt like something was missing, like we weren’t reaching the level of progress we aimed for. We were not getting through the way we wanted to.

Fortunately, I’m lucky to have friends who share a similar mindset. When I discussed my concerns with my friend Dr. Tejal Lathia a renowned endocrinologist, she highly recommended the Motivational Interviewing course by Prof. Miller and encouraged me to explore it. Although I’ve been in medicine for nearly 30 years and can confidently say I’m a skilled doctor and surgeon, I must admit I’ve never been formally trained in the art and science of communication.

As a bariatric surgeon and specialist in obesity care, I’ve come to realize that communication is the real game changer. We can perform the most advanced surgeries, but it’s only through consistent and effective communication that we can truly help our patients make lasting lifestyle changes. Without it, both doctor and patient can fall into a cycle of judgment, bias, and blame, which benefits no one.

Yesterday in the clinic, we tried the “person-centered” approach for the first time. “We went beyond seeing the deficits on the patient’s side (3 months post a bariatric operation) such as- staying up late in the night, skipping breakfast, feeling low on energy, avoiding exercise, and neglecting her prescribed supplements.” On a normal day, our usual approach would have been to tell what she was doing wrong, offer well-meaning advice, explain the associated health risks of future complications, give her a prescription and send her off, hoping she’d correct course and be on a better trajectory by her next visit.

However, the person-centered approach encourages curiosity. It teaches us to move beyond assumptions about what we think we already know and what we believe is needed. It invites us to engage in deeper conversations with our patients. “With some gentle prompting, this particular patient revealed that for the past six months, she had been burdened by intense guilt. A close relative’s health had deteriorated after being admitted to a hospital that she had recommended. The financial burden from the medical bills was overwhelming, and the relative’s daughter had to give up her full-time job to care for her mother. This guilt weighed heavily on my patient, robbing her of sleep and triggering a cascade of problems—waking up late, missing meals, low energy, and neglecting self-care. It was also preventing her from feeling or accepting any joy in her own life”

She broke down in tears during our conversation, and we discussed the possibility of seeking help from a counselor. While she wasn’t entirely open to the idea, a seed had been planted. She seemed more receptive to make changes to her lifestyle and came up with some solutions on her own. More importantly, she felt understood, and we, as her healthcare team, felt like we had moved beyond simply judging her for not meeting our expectations.

This experience reminded us that as healthcare professionals working with chronic conditions like obesity, we can’t “fix” patients overnight. We can’t just hand out prescriptions and expect perfect adherence. We aren’t in a position to command or take charge of their lives. Our role is to guide them, safely and hopefully enjoyably, towards a destination we both desire. We must acknowledge that life happens to everyone—our patients are no exception.

For those living with obesity, these challenges are often compounded. In addition to everyday struggles, they also face the stigma and bias that come with societal expectations. Patients who have undergone bariatric surgery often feel the weight of taking what is perceived as a “shortcut,” along with the pressure of not meeting expectations, even after the surgery.

As healthcare providers, it’s crucial to make the most of the limited time we have with our patients. Sometimes, the connections we form matter more than the prescriptions we give. Kindness, empathy, and compassion are universally effective tools, often more powerful than any advice alone.

Incorporating motivational interviewing into our practice has the potential to transform not only the patient’s journey but also our own. By fostering deeper connections and helping patients uncover their own motivations, we empower them to make meaningful and lasting changes. As healthcare professionals, we should be open to learning and refining the art of communication at every stage of our careers. It’s not just about enhancing patient satisfaction—this approach brings greater fulfillment and satisfaction to us as doctors too. A well-communicated, empathetic consultation can be the difference between frustration and fulfillment for both parties, ensuring that the care we provide is as effective as the surgeries we perform.

I’m just beginning this journey, but I hope that by sharing my experiences, I can enrich my own path and perhaps make a small difference along the way.

PS: The image is AI generated.